By Daniel Taverne
August 4, 2005
Where were all the psychics prior to 9/11? Where were they when the Challenger and Columbia crews needed advanced warnings? Where are they prior to any disaster?
I have yet to hear any psychic say, “I tried to warn you!” I certainly don’t recall hearing anyone (psychic or otherwise) warning us of ‘specific major impending catastrophic events (such as some recent natural disasters) prior to their occurrences.
It appears to me that most psychics prognosticate trivial matters, or events that ’will’ happen so far in advance (years in fact) that by the time they do occur (if ever) I will have forgotten to remember that there were predictions to be remembered. In addition, psychics use the ‘far in advance’ prediction schedule because most of the time, they are common events that just about anyone can foresee.
For instance, at a time when I was flipping burgers, working my way through college once asked a person, who was a self-proclaimed psychic, if she could tell me anything important about my future. She said, “Yes I can! You will change jobs and move into a new house within 10 years.” She also said that I would meet that special someone within 5 years. While I stood there thinking, ‘No kidding! You think?' I said, "Wow, you are good!”
What about those psychics who claim to communicate with the dead? we've all seen them on television fishing through the crowd asking, "Who, here, knows someone who recently crossed over?" Then they ask a question disguised as a statement, reciting the alphabet: This persons name begins with an 'H', or a 'J', and it has a 'W' or an 'M' in it. The 'psychic' will go from section to section until some gullible soul suddenly stands up yelling, "that's me! My sister's best friend had a great aunt whose friend passed on about a month ago!" If that isn't' strange enough, the rest of the audience applauds in earnest.
If there are such things as honest-to-goodness psychics I'd like one to be living with me on a day-to-day basis. I don't know how many times I've had to hunt for my keys, wallet, and/or shoes. If I had 'The Great Magnifico' living with me, I'd simply get him to use his ’powers’ to help me find what I need so I can make it to work on time. But, like I said, psychic's don’t prognosticate important things, only trivial things and vaguely at that!
Even with the lack of confidence I have in psychics, I, Strangely enough, occasionally find myself thinking of how nice it might be to have psychic powers of my own, for a number of reasons.
If I could see into the future, I'd already have next Wednesday's Lottery numbers, and, 38 million dollars would be as good as mine! Wouldn't you do the same thing? It also might be nice having the power to read people's minds, so that I would finally know what my wife means when she answers, "Nothing." To my, "What's wrong, dear?"
Thankfully though, the ability to read people’s minds is just a pipe dream. I'm thankful for this because if my wife could read my mind, I'd be in trouble all the time. I'd have bruised red cheeks and possibly black eyes because I often check out how other ladies are looking, and my subsequent thoughts aren't always innocent! If I could communicate with the dead, I'd call upon the spirits to haunt the home of my former employer, and then have them report back and tell me about how he screamed like a little girl. If I could move stuff utilizing only my mind, Id have allot of fun with strings at the beach! That'sall I'm going to say about that.
Sometimes I think it's no coincidence that 'psychic' and 'psycho' sound so similar. Some of these self proclaimed psychics look psycho! Just think of how they are portrayed on television shows, commercials and the movies. They almost always seem to have a big facial wart, or a long, long nose, or they are eccentric in some other way. Look at the short Lady psychic on "Poltergeist". Tell me she didn't look Psycho!
Have you ever seen those television commercials with the unusual looking chubby-woman (with hideously long fingernails and wearing an abundance of jewelry) inviting you to dial her number to receive a psychic reading? If so, did you call her? I called her once just to see what all the hype was about. What I received was a $64.00 charge to my phone bill for what amounted to nothing more than mere fortune cookie phrases. She told me, "A self absorbed man will be a turn off to a woman." I learned that along time ago. Also, she said, "Yelling at your boss is a good way to get fired." Duhhhh!
If these are examples of psychic readings, then I guess I can proclaim that I, myself, am a psychic after all, and give you the following reading: If you continuously cross the street without looking both ways, you'll become someone’s hood ornament, if you constantly beat your head against the wall, you'll end up the intellectual equivalent of a toaster. and if you walk across a cow pasture with out looking down, you'll step in something nasty. Do I sound psychic to you?
Finally, the notion that some people are psychic would be allot easier to believe if at least one them would stand up and make some bold, public predictions, just prior to the world actually witnessing them come to fruition. Unfortunately however, so called 'psychic's' don't ever seem to be around prior to major disasters where some fore knowledge would be a blessing. Instead, they seem to be oriented toward trivial matters that are neither surprising nor consequential to anyone who hears them; for a few years, anyway.